My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
