You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
