yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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