Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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