I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
