Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
