Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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