Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
