i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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