I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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