Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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