Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Randomize
