My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
