What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
