I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize
