fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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