i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
