I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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