'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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