i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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