i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
