I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
