fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
