Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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