I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
