I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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