My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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