i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
