i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
