Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
