i wish there were pregnant emoticons
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
