The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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