I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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