he wants to bone in the snuggie
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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