Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
