hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize