normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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