Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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