Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy

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(701): View more from North Dakota

i want to fuck

(320): View more from Minnesota

?

(701): View more from North Dakota

it's pretty self explanatory

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(407): View more from Florida

you definitely have a few illegitimate kids

(1-407): View more from Florida

probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine

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(720): View more from Colorado

Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16

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(518): View more from New York

I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide

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(631): View more from New York

Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.

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(315): View more from New York

she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker

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(785): View more from Kansas

How'd your date go last night?

(913): View more from Kansas

Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.

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