he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
