Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
