she woke up with a sticky ear
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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