I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
