the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
