i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
