It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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