here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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