Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
