I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
