i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
