I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
